There are a lot of people who are looking for approval of others all the time in everything they do. Some people have a feeling that without love and approval of others they are nothing but worthless. They don’t realize that if they tend to become so needy and greedy for love and approval of others they can easily drive people away from them. I don’t understand why we have to be obligated to love somebody, or to be dependent on other people love and acceptance to feel worthy?
Why would anyone put him self in such of struggle? The only reason I can think of is the lack of self-confidence. Why we need to be dependent when we can easily become independent? How? Simply by learning to love our self. People who respect themselves, and who love themselves are more desirable to others than those who don’t.
If you are woman the truth is that you will meet a lot of mans who are searching for the dependent women. One is sure, no man is worth that much to ask you to give him your self-respect, self-esteem, and dignity in exchange for a little slack love. Because this isn’t love and it will never make you happy. Please trust me on that, I was there my self some years ago. No relationship is ever worthy to sacrificing your dignity or self-respect for.
Not only that you can make it on your own, but you can really enjoy too. I find this pleasure-predicting table in a book Feeling good by David.D. Burns. I did this experiment myself and the results were surprising. Here is how you can do it. Make a table of 5 columns, and as much rows you want. In the first column you put a date. Second column you put the activity of satisfaction that you are planing to do. Third column you put with who you are planning to do this activity ( alone, with your friend, with your boyfriend, with your mom…). Forth column you put the percentage of satisfaction that you predict this activity will bring to you. And finally in the fifth column you will put the percentage of actual satisfaction this activity has brought to you after all. Then after several experiments you can compare the percentages of predicted and actual satisfactions those activities has brought to you. I was surprised in how many activities I predict that I will not have good time by being alone and the actual satisfaction was much higher than I expected. Try to do it, it’s fun and doesn’t cost you anything but a piece of paper, but you can learn a lot from it.
Have you ever wonder, why the guys when they come back from the army are wiser and more self-confident than they were before? It is because they finally got the chance to go away from their comfort zone. Because they had a chance to experience how it is to be alone and away from those you love and you feel safe with. It is because in army they learn how to be strong and independent. Loneliness is what you feel and experience inside when you don’t have anyone to talk with you. But it teaches you the most important think in life to speak to yourself, your soul and to your mind.
Someone who was a soldier will understand immediately what I am talking about. Those who were not in the army should try to imagine how does it feel to be a soldier on the sidelines. All alone in the silence of the night, with only comfort the gun in his hands and his brave soul in his chest. Imagine now that your gun is your self-confidence, and your soul is overwhelmed with love for yourself first, then for all the others. Believe me you can be happy even when you are alone just by developing your personal strengths, just like the soldiers do.
Learn to enjoy being alone and learn to like it. There is nothing more empowering than learning to like your own company. Oscar Wilde said: ” I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not to be defined by another person.”
Learn to be alone. Get inside your mind. Figure things out. Grow. Remember life isn’t to finding yourself, is about creating yourself. It is about loving yourself. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect from others to love you and to respect you?
Mandy Hale said: ” Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationship, your friends or your job. But with you,” It is important to remember, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. You don’t need anyone’s approval. Live your life and do what makes you happy.
Companionship and marriage are not necessary happiness, they are not even sufficient. There are millions of people who are married and miserable. Love is not antidepressant. Mandy Hale said: ‘‘Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.” So if you want to be happy learn how to be alone without being lonely. Learn that being alone does not mean to be unhappy. There are a lot of interesting and enjoyable thinks that you can do alone.