What is self-defeating behavior and how to avoid it

All the emotions we feel are actually signals that our body send to us. Signals that are telling us if something is right or wrong in our lives. Sometimes we feel happy, sad, frustrated, uncomfortable, excited, and so on. Problems with all kind of signals start when we are not able to recognize them. Only when we are aware of our emotions we can make them serve us.

Photo by me Island Pag Croatia

If we ignore our emotions and we don’t recognize them, especially the negative ones then we are falling into self-defeating behavior. By ignoring and avoiding the signals, we are not solving the problems , and they can only become stronger and stronger every day. We have to realize that our emotions occurs entirely from the way we think and we look at the things.

Photo by me Island Pag (Lun) Croatia

Emotions have a subjective character. They are related to our personality. The way we experience ourselves or something from our environment define our attitude. We are constantly in the contact with environment. Constantly, consciously or spontaneously we are expressing our opinion or attitude about everything. But our attitude does not define our personality. Our personality is who we are, and attitude is what we show and how we react.

Photo by me Island Pag (Lun) Croatia

Emotions are the specific relationship of a person to oneself, specific objects or facts, and to other people. Emotions are able to affirm but also to damage our personality, depending on how we react to them. We can classify them into three categories. They can be adequate to situation we are experiencing by the quality, intensity and duration. They can also be suppressed and silenced by our upbringing and education but they can be escalated too. The important think to remember is to don’t get caught up or defeated by your emotions, hear the message and act upon it instead.

Photo by me Island Pag (Lun) Croatia

If you feel the fear,  anxiety, if you are terrified that means that you are not prepared enough and ready for something that awaits. But  the feeling of fear is useful because it warns us of the danger and activates us for action. It is wise to be always prepared and ready.

Photo by me Island Pag (Lun) Croatia

If you feel hurt, or you  had an expectation that is not being met, try to change your perspective on the situation. If you are angry, irritated, resentful, furious or jealous ensure that you have clearly communicated your values, rules, or standards in the first place. Stop hesitating, take  actions. Consider other people’s standards, not everyone has the same ones. If you are frustrate, just try to change your approach.  If you are disappointed or defeated with your self, than maybe  you have set strong goals that are not realistic for where you are standing right now. You can change your goals to something more reasonable at this exact moment. If you feel guilty and you have feeling that you have violated your own standards, try to do something immediately to ensure this doesn’t happen again. If you feel unworthy stop compare yourself to others and take control of your own life. If you think you don’t know enough then learn, work on yourself, grow. If you feel  hopeless then  re-evaluate what is most important to you. Make a list on what you need to work. Don’t expect that everything will become perfect over night, be consistent and patient and you will reach your goals.

Photo by me Island Pag (Lun) Croatia

So every emotion has a message for us. Be aware of your emotions, don’t ignore them. Take actions, do something about it. If you ignore them, they won’t go away, they will just become more intense, until you are forced to change. Don’t be self-defeating. Make a list of the behaviors, choices, and habits you are engaged in that are maybe opposite to the fulfillment of becoming the person you desire to be. Next step is to make a list of the  new behaviors and choices you can make to change your life. Maya Angelou said: If you don’t like something, change it. If you can not change it, change your attitude.

Photo by me Meganisi island Greece

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